worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize