I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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