Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
organizing the empties. That sober.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
