I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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