she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
