Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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