he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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