i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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