i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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