then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
