you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
