tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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