can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
