I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
