I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
