yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
