I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
