I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
