every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
