I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
