he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
