I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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