TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
