I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
