I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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