I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
