Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
