yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
