The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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