Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize