I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
