i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
