GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
