Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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