You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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