I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
