So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
