Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i love accidental penises.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
