Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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