So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
