i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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