Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
