New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
