I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
