tell your sister to shave her snatch
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
