where am i from again
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
