...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
