Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
