remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
