I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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