Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
