ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
