I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
