Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
