it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need water and some morals
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
