The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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