I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
