You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
