I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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