My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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