I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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