I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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