so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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