My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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