I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
